Who Run the World?

If this blog title made you shimmy a little, my work here is done. Cueing up Beyonce to a piece about Women’s History Month is fitting, given that she has been crowned the image of Modern Feminism. Empowering song lyrics from icons like Lizzo, Taylor Swift, and Madonna; hashtag movements on social media like #metoo, #timesup, and #yesallwomen; and swearing in of the first Black woman U.S. Supreme Court justice, Ketanji Brown Jackson, is all successful evidence of the modern feminist movement. 


Yet there is still such a long way to go. 


Women’s History Month, a national recognition of the vital roles women have played throughout history, was instituted by President Jimmy Carter in March 1987. Every year, the monthly observance is given a specific theme. This year’s theme is "Celebrating Women Who Tell Our Stories." 


I think back to my years of research for my doctoral dissertation on the “Psychological Impact on Intersectional Feminist Activists.” It was then, at 32 years old, a baby girl on the way, in my third round of collegiate studies (I had obtained a bachelor’s degree, master’s degree, and clinical license), that I first learned about the history of feminism. I had taken one women’s studies class in my first year of undergrad prior to that. I was always intrigued by women’s issues, namely body image and unfair portrayals of women in the media, but feminism? I barely had a clue what that meant. 


When I did hear about the term, it was always used with negative affiliation. Most women I knew didn’t want the “label” of feminist, so I figured I shouldn’t either. I decided being pro-woman was enough.


Serving women and girls has been at the heart of my psychology studies. With zero nonprofit experience, I founded a 501c3 organization called Sol Sisters, Inc. in 2013. Our mission is to help women overcome societal barriers by providing educational and empowering experiences that promote community. During this time I was also working towards my hours to become a licensed marriage and family therapist. I was placed at an all girl’s school where I learned first hand about the stigmas about mental health among communities of color, immigrant communities, and low-income communities. I wanted to create a more accessible, inclusive approach to mental health and that is what Sol Sisters has done for nearly 10 years.


With all of this focus on women and girls, I still did not consider myself a feminist. I didn’t know enough, and I was scared of the term. I just wanted to see women and girls treated fairly and justly. 


The definition of feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. Not so scary sounding afterall, right? Far before Women’s History Month and social media campaigns, feminism has been an integral piece of U.S. culture. There are a total of four waves of feminism, stemming back to 1848. Systemically, patriarchy has effectively kept many of us from learning about feminism and the essence of how the fair and equal treatment of women is beneficial for all. Moreover, patriarchy has propelled sexism and misogyny forward, not only in the U.S., but throughout the world.


This has allowed for violence against women, unequal pay, reproductive health violations, and limitations to power to still remain outstanding issues in the present day. 


We cannot talk about Women’s History Month without talking about feminism. This year’s theme of storytelling can be a powerful tool to learn about the struggles and triumphs of our ancestors, the living generations that precede us, and that of our peers. We can hold deep, meaningful conversations about women and their contributions across genders, and we continue to address problems and determine valuable solutions. Most importantly, we can unapologetically declare ourselves feminists and continue to fight for women’s rights and equality so that my daughter, women and girls all around the globe can confidently sing with great power, “Who run the world? GIRLS” this Women’s History Month, and everyday. 




10 Action Steps Colleagues and Allies Can Take Towards the Inclusivity of the Hispanic/Latinx Community 


  • In honor of Hispanic/Latinx Heritage Month, companies around the globe are taking conscious action to honor and celebrate their Hispanic/Latinx colleagues. The question is, are they getting it right? Over 16% of Hispanic/Latinx professionals have a bachelor's degree or higher (Mental Health America, 2022), yet efforts to foster inclusive workplaces are still falling short. As a mental health professional, speaker, consultant and coach, I have first hand knowledge of the strenuous impacts Latinx/Hispanic professionals face on a daily basis. Many report feeling “othered,” dismissed, and even ostracized at work. Their ideas are minimized and often overlooked, and oftentime being a minority means they have no one around who truly feels safe. 

Below is an essential compilation of tips colleagues and allies can use and implement to cultivate transformative change in their workplace and most importantly, in their everyday lives. 

  1. Ask how they identify. Terms associated with our identities are ever evolving. While many still subscribe to the term Latino/a, it is a simple yet powerful gesture to allow your Hispanic/Latinx colleague to establish how they identify themselves. The term Latinx is seen as more inclusive and not as gender specific, for example (Castillo-Montoya & Reyes, 2020), and can nurture one’s sense of belonging when given the liberty to establish their identity to the outside world. 

  2. Understand that not all Hispanic/Latinx people are the same. That’s right. Hispanic/Latinx communities consist of Black, White, green-eyes, afros, freckles, curly hair, straight hair, varying body types, Spanish or non-Spanish speaking, spreading across various nationalities. Hispanics/Latinx’s hold various political views, enjoy various foods and activities. Understanding the diversity within people groups can help dismantle existing stereotypes and microaggressions. More importantly, leading with curiosity and respect for differences can lead to a further sense of belonging for the Hispanic/Latinx community. 

  3. Become interested in your Hispanic/Latinx colleague’s stories. Now that you’ve increased your clarity on the beautifully diverse community of Hispanics/Latinx, it is essential to lean into the individuals around you and have a conversation. You heard that right. Talk to them. Get to know them. Research tells us that as humans, we tend to gravitate towards people who look like us or have shared experiences (this is called homophily). Listening and leaning in to those who differ from us can take some vulnerability, but it is the number one way we can increase empathy and promote belonging. Give it a try. Oh. And do your best to connect on things other than your love of Mexican food and your ability to recite Bad Bunny lyrics. 

  4. Get Clear on the microaggressions you project. Microaggressions are subtle, indirect forms of discrimination against a marginalized group. To the Hispanic/ Latinx community, they may sound like, “Where are you from?” which implies they don’t belong here/were not born here. Another example is, “You don’t look/sound Latin,” further perpetuating stereotypes that Hispanic/Latinx people are one and the same. When Hispanics/ Latinx are confronted with microaggressions, it is often translated to them that they don't belong. Many have worked so hard to be the “model minority,” to be labeled as good and nonthreatening. These subtleties can do a great deal of damage. So the next time you’re tempted to say “Wow, you speak so eloquently” or “You don’t have an accent!” recognize that these are indeed microaggressions that can be harmful and promote barriers against psychological safety in and out of the workplace. 

  5. Examine potential inherent racist beliefs. White Supremacy is ingrained into every aspect of this country. Understanding how deeply it seeps into social, political, structural, and institutional aspects of our everyday lives is the first step to accepting that we have continuous work to do. For allies of the Hispanic/Latinx community, it is essential to avoid beliefs or statements such as “I am not racist. I have a Mexican friend” or the like. Racism is a byproduct of White Supremacy, and while each individual varies in their association to racism, much more can be accomplished once we realize that we all carry inherent biases that are often harmful and even dangerous to marginalized communities. Try joining an affinity group at work or in your community, or tap into anti-racist works Hispanic/Latinx changemakers. 

  6. Say Something. If you hear inappropriate language being spoken about the Hispanic/Latinx community, step in and say something. The Hispanic/Latinx community often come into the workplace without a sense of belonging and psychological safety. Your allyship includes shifting from bystander to accomplice. Call it out publicly and if that’s still something you’re working towards, pull someone aside for a constructive conversation. Your privilege is more powerful than you know and this is the perfect opportunity to use it for good.

  7. Recognize the signs: when you build friendships and relationships with Latinx colleagues, you will have insight to their varying qualities (as mentioned above). You may also notice commonalities based on cultural influences. Latinx can be quiet and non confrontational. They can also be outspoken, no-nonsense, and assertive. When it comes to mental health, there is still a lingering stigma surrounding conversations about emotions, mental health disorders, and needing help. If you notice a shift in your colleague, a gentle “hey, I noticed you were quieter than usual in the meeting the other day. I am here if you want to talk” can go a long way. Empathic action is critical in all of our relationships, and is no different when befriending Latinx/Hispanics.

  8. Give appropriate credit to your Latinx/Hispanic colleague. Have you ever been in a setting when you presented an idea to your colleagues or higher ups and got a mediocre response, only to be met with a privileged counterpart sharing your same idea and having it applauded and implemented? Me too. It’s the worst. This happens to Hispanic/Latinx professionals time and time again. Making space for ideas, turning their ideas into actual outcomes is not only good for your Hispanic/Latinx colleagues, it’s good for greater society. We all benefit from Latinx/Hispanic voices and brilliance. This is not a handout, it’s you using your privilege for equitable change. 

  9. Join a Latinx affinity group (if allies are welcome). Some of the most powerful action steps for allies are to step out of your comfort zone and listen in. Look into the various employee resource groups and find out if there are Latinx/Hispanic groups meeting. Most of these spaces are limited to those who identify as the specified group to further promote engagement and psychological safety. However, if they have events where all are welcome or do allow for allies to engage appropriately, this could be a wonderful step forward in your personal and professional growth. 

  10. Educate yourself. Check out my resource list for books, podcasts, articles, and documentaries on the Hispanic/Latinx community. This is a journey, not a sprint. 


Uplifting, centering, and celebrating Hispanic/Latinx community members goes far beyond one month a year. Taking action, getting uncomfortable, exercising empathy and compassion are all powerful approaches to establishing inclusivity and psychological safety in your workplace and in our greater communities. 


-Dr. Christine Coleman, PhD., LMFT. Dr. Coleman is a licensed psychotherapist, speaker, consultant, and coach specializing in the intersection of mental health and Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion. Dr. Coleman identifies as Mexican/Iranian American and uses she/her pronouns. Dr. Coleman’s mission is to destigmatize mental health in communities of color and to assist organizations in cultivating workplace environments that are equitable, psychologically and emotionally safe for their staff of color. 

How to Find (and Keep) Healthy Love

It’s February. Cue the numerous diamond jewelry commercials and romantic social media photos that either make you feel really happy or really really annoyed. It’s understandable that a month that celebrates love, specifically romantic love, can be triggering for some who are actively seeking it but are having a hard time finding a healthy, fulfilling version of it. 

Do any of the following sound like you?


  • Have you ever been attracted to someone then shortly after caught yourself getting too emotionally vulnerable for your comfort, so you avoided them, became short with them, or ghosted them altogether (aka left them without explanation)?

  • Have you ever gotten close to a person romantically but are consumed with the thought of them leaving you, cheating on you, or being dishonest with you? 

  • Have you ever felt like you want to get so close to someone romantically, you try everything you can to get close, but in the end you push them away? 


If you answered yes to any of the above, you have an insecure attachment style. Don’t be alarmed. There’s nothing wrong with you. Around just under half of the US population has some version of an insecure attachment style (around 66% of the US population has a secure attachment style. We will explore that in a bit). 

What does this information tell you? At the very least, it informs you that somewhere along your journey, we learned that getting too close to someone wasn’t emotionally (or sometimes physically) safe). You may have had your vulnerability taken advantage of, so now you hold your cards close to your chest. You may have experienced infidelity and now you have a hard time trusting. You may have had a parent or caregiver push you away or even abuse you when you needed emotional safety and comfort. 


You may be an adult who desires love but feels lost, hopeless, or even frustrated that you can’t find it-or keep it.


You are not alone.


I want to tell you that many of the effects of insecure attachment styles have to do with what happened to us. This alone reminds us that much of why you are the way you are now is not your fault. But as adults, it is your responsibility to get the support and care you need to 1. Not continue to hurt and 2. Not hurt others. 


Let’s break down the 3 INSECURE ATTACHMENT STYLES:

  1. AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT: You are available “at an arm’s length.” You don’t let people in or get too close emotionally. You are uncomfortable with vulnerability and can be known to thrive off of being independent.

  2. ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT: You have a hard time trusting people and taking them at face value. You may be seen as clingy or labeled “dramatic” in your relationship encounters. You may fear or even accuse your romantic partner of infidelity. You have an overall fear that your partner will leave you or that you’re easily replaceable.

  3. FEARFUL AVOIDANT (OR DISORGANIZED) ATTACHMENT: You are the extreme version of anxious and avoidant attachment styles. You desire closeness but don’t necessarily have the capability of getting close or maintaining closeness. You either get very close or very distant with no in between. 

By taking the time to reflect on these insecure attachment styles, you may be feeling a variety of emotional responses. Relief that there’s a name and description for your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, sadness that you identify closely with one of them, anger that you’ve endured experiences that have left you to become insecurely attached, or perhaps dismissiveness, an “it is what it is” attitude.

Wherever you are, it’s important to also note that research has been able to inform us about secure attachment and what that can look like for an individual.

You may be securely attached if:

You build deep, meaningful relationships. You are comfortable talking and being honest about your feelings. You know the feeling of loved ones having your back and you extend that to those you care about. 

Much of the information here has been directed towards you personally. Think for a moment if you have ever been in a relationship with someone who has displayed these attachment styles? Perhaps you are anxious and you dated an avoidant. Perhaps you are secure and you’ve dated an insecure. Think about what those experiences were like for you. If you have ever felt like you’re not good enough or something is wrong with you (note: securely attached folks will likely be aware that it’s not them), I hope this information brings you awareness and peace.

Questions you may be asking yourself:

  1. How did I develop this form of attachment?

  2. Can my attachment style change?

  3. Can working on my attachment style help improve the current relationship I’m in?

  4. Will I finally find and keep love?

I’m hosting an online course on March 5th, 2022 where I’ll answer these questions and provide insight to so much more about attachment.

If the information in this blog left you wanting to know more, consider attending!

CLICK HERE TO SIGN UP!

This course will help you:

  • Dig even deeper into what the parent/caregiver role in attachment styles are and how that can affect one’s upbringing and adult romantic relationships

  • Identify your attachment style based on attachment theory and my experience helping my clients move towards a more secure attachment style

  • Implement the practical tips I’ll provide you along and worksheet prompts to help you continue to do the work to move towards a more secure attachment style

You may be interested in this course if:

  • You are interested in learning more about your attachment style and how it’s affected your romantic relationships

  • You are tired of 

  • You are in a relationship and want to learn how to move towards healthier relationship dynamics

  • You are single and want to do more work around moving towards or maintaining secure attachment

  • You are interested in attachment theory and want to learn more



Did you miss my blog on How to be ok with NOT doing it all? You can find it here. There are definitely some gems dropped! 


How to Be Ok With NOT Doing it All

It’s a new year and so many of us have made resolutions or have set intentions to help us on our constant journey of “leveling up.” Usually, this includes adding on more. More workouts, more productivity, more systems to help us stay organized, more resources. More More More. 


It’s rare to hear people I serve say, “I’d like to do or have less.”  When I dig a bit deeper, I hear many echo the same sentiment, “I equate how much I do and hold to my value.” When we pause and sit with this, many of us might feel a punch to the gut. Ouch, is that really how people navigate the world? For many, yes. American culture specifically emphasizes the notion of a rat race and the term I personally hate, “sleeping is for dead people.” 


If you’re on any form of social media, it’s as if we can’t keep up. What once was a place to share photos and life experiences has been bombarded by sales and promotions, parenting strategies, and so. much. more. This is another way to indirectly communicate that we are not doing enough.



Culturally speaking, gender roles often let us know that a man is supposed to be the main breadwinner and the woman is supposed to take care of house and home. While modern times have shifted this narrative, many of our cultures still expect this of men and women.


 I work primarily with women of color professionals and the main pain point I do my best to support is that women of color feel the pressure to be a thriving career woman, a wonderful, involved parent, maintain a clean home, be a sexy, fit, woman for herself, her partner, and society, and do it all with a smile on her face. Oh, I didn’t mention that she’s also to break generational curses, build generational wealth, send money back to her homeland, take care of aging parents, and make time to volunteer. 


I’m sorry, what?


Let’s take a pause for a moment. If any of these feel familiar to you, notice what is coming up for you right now. How does it feel in your body?


The next question that comes up most often is, “How can I be ok with NOT doing it all?” First off, this idea alone can be scary for many because the expectation for you to do it all has likely been something that those around you have gotten used to and maybe, have taken advantage of. So it makes sense that it would initially feel scary to put something down or say no/not right now. The immediate response is likely, “If I don’t take care of it, who will?” 


Again, pause, and feel that.


Let’s address some actionable ways you can start this journey of not only not doing it all, but also being ok with not doing it. Those are two different things, right?


  1. ACCEPT that you are ONE person and you do not have the physical or mental capacity to handle multiple things. You are not designed that way. 

  2. EXAMINE your “why’s” behind the push or expectation to take on so much. Which sit well with you and which don’t?

  3. CONSIDER that taking on multiple things and being able to multi-task is not a badge of honor, it is a recipe for burn out.

  4. RE-PRIORITIZE your commitments. Maybe you can’t set down everything you’ve committed to, but maybe you can set one thing down. Or maybe you can pause on one thing and circle back to it later.

  5. SET BOUNDARIES with people and your time. This will be the most uncomfortable but most significant part of this process. If you have been in your roles for some time, saying no, not right now, I’m not able to, or anything of the sort can cause people discomfort, anger, or may prompt really  hurtful comments. You have to make it up in your mind that your mental health trumps over anyone’s thoughts about you

  6. ASK FOR HELP and be specific about it. We hear this often but I really mean it. Be very specific about what you need help with because if you have done everything for this long, most people won’t know you need help or how to help. Do you need help with the kids, or around your house, or with groceries, or do you just need some alone time to enjoy quiet?

  7. IMPLEMENT NEW APPROACHES THAT WELCOME JOY. Doing so much can cause stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout. What’s the counter to those? Joy. Rest. Laughter. These remedies are so necessary and should not be minimized. Engage in something alone or with loved ones that brings you joy and allows you to tap out from the things that have overwhelmed you. 

  8. GIVE YOURSELF GRACE and understand that this will take practice and repetition. Just because you have some helpful steps to follow does not mean that everything will change from now on. It takes time to build a habit. Remember, however, that you can and will do it.



I hope these tips are helpful to you on your mental health journey. You are supported, loved, and cared for. Follow me on Instagram at @drchristinecoleman to see my live training on this topic.


If you’d like to inquire about having me come speak to your organization or corporation, please fill out the booking form here. 


Navigating Your Mental Health this Holiday Season

The holidays may be looking a little different this year…

You can still care for your mental health.

The holidays are here and they may be looking and feeling different than holidays past. The pandemic has surely infiltrated what we consider normalcy, and that also applies to the ways we celebrate. Traditions, community, faith, and travel have all been impacted, which can leave one feeling helpless, isolated, and emotionally affected.

Here are five tips to help you navigate the holidays through a pandemic:


Lean into Your Needs:

The holidays and pandemic have different effects on everyone. This holiday season you may be longing for human connection, or maybe the pandemic has alleviated some of your social anxiety that can especially come with the holidays. Wherever you are, I recommend showing up for yourself and advocating for what will help you feel comfortable, safe, and supported. Let your loved ones know what your plans are in advance. Ask others for help or support. Set healthy boundaries, especially for those who are putting pressure on you about things that are not serving you at this time. Put yourself first. 

Tap into Your Creativity: 

Many of us are being stretched into creative directions we never knew we’d be capable of until the pandemic hit. This can also apply to keeping your mental health as a priority during the holidays. If you would normally travel to see family and will not this year, can you do a virtual gift exchange like white elephant or secret Santa accompanied with games and crafty cocktails? Can you decorate your virtual backdrop with holiday inspo? Can you opt for meaningful photo collages as gifts vs. scrambling for gifts online? Creativity doesn’t have to be time consuming or expensive. It can instead take you out of your negative thoughts and channel that stress or negative energy into something that can bring you (and others) joy.

Be Aware of Holiday Blues:

The holidays have been associated with heightened levels of sadness, depression, and anxiety in the past. It makes sense that these symptoms could increase in a pandemic. The National Alliance for Mental Illnesses (NAMI) found that 64% of people with existing mental illness reported that holidays made their condition worse. Healthy ways to cope include limiting excessive alcohol, moving your body for at least 30 minutes a day, and having realistic expectations for yourself. Holiday blues tend to decrease when the holiday season is over. If symptoms of ongoing sadness, irritability, increased substance abuse, loss in activities that once brought pleasure continue thereafter, consult with a mental health professional or medical doctor. 



Give:


When experiencing loneliness or isolation, volunteering can combat that and feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and belonging. Volunteering in person may be a challenge this year, but many organizations are still calling for people to help with turkey drives, care packages, or online donations. If you’re not able to give monetarily or uncomfortable with being in social settings with the risk of Covid-19 at its peak, consider helping your neighbor with their groceries. Mail a card to your friend across the country. Call that relative you’ve been thinking about. Acts of kindness and giving can be replenishing for the soul. 



Have a Mental Plan Ready for Difficult Conversations:

This year has been heavy for many reasons, particularly for BIPOC and other oppressed groups such as women, LGBTQIA, and immigrants. Holidays often bring about a platform to have that uncomfortable conversation with your racist uncle or a heated debate over women’s reproductive rights. Ask yourself, to what degree will engage? Is this worth my energy and time? What will happen if I choose to disengage. It is also important for marginalized groups to know that it is okay to rest and not be triggered at the holiday gathering. You do not have to answer for all Black people. You do not have to answer questions around anti-racism when you’re trying to enjoy your pecan pie. Alternatively, if you are in privileged positions, this may be a time to exercise just that. If your mental and emotional health can handle challenging racism, xenophobia, or any other form of discrimination and verbal violence, then by all means, do it.